So I used to be in this relationship that was very complicated to say the least. It was the source of many painful moments. I wouldn’t dare say it was all bad, there were some good moments. But it was definitely a relationship that I should not have been in, far less for staying in as long as I did. It made an already broken me become shattered, but I will go into more of this on another day another blog post. Anywho…I randomly remembered something about this situationship and it serves as inspiration for today’s post:
*Insert Judgement Free Zone here*
So I remembered finding some female toiletries in the bathroom cabinet of the guy I was dating at the time’s bathroom. It was some nice stuff too, it was the aromatherapy line of a popular brand. When I confronted him to ask who it belonged to, he told me it had been there for a while and it may have belonged to his sister or his dad’s girlfriend. I knew that wasn’t the truth but my response was to say okay (with attitude of course).
See, one of the problems I had when it came to him was; I would accept many of the answers he gave me when I knew in my heart and mind it wasn’t true. Some of you know what I am speaking about, you have been here. The person has “ah plaster fuh every sore” (Trini term translation: “a Band-aid for every wound”; meaning the person has a rebuttal for every challenge) and somewhere deep down you know the answer you have gotten doesn’t add up but you choose to glaze over it in an effort to not cause friction or have them look at you like the crazy one. I was so unhealthily emotionally attached and I didn’t want to let go. I was so scared of losing what I held dear that I avoided situations that I thought would cause me to lose it. Don’t get me wrong, I was not passive; there were arguments, there were things I did that cause friction in the relationship. I said I was done many times but I kept going back. It was so unhealthy!!
You want to know what the saddest part of this particular situation was? Through the hurt of the situation I started contemplating whether or not I should buy these products for myself. Somewhere in my twisted mind was the thought: “Well I guess he likes girls who smell like this so I may as well get it.”
Isn’t that crazy? Just being honest here!
I tell you, friend, low self esteem/not knowing your worth makes you think crazy thoughts and do crazy things. And I know many of you reading this may be thinking: “What is wrong with her!? She’s crazy!” But for the rest of you who know exactly where I was in that moment -and maybe you are in a similar situation at this moment- I want to let you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE and YOU ARE BETTER.
My sweet one, you are more! You are beautiful! Your validation is found in no one else but God! And He says you are His chosen one. He says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. His love for you is reckless! It is never ending! He will stop at nothing to pursue you! He tears down walls that stand between Him and you! He leaves everything to find you! (Luke 15:1-10)
If this person you are in a relationship (situationship) with, doesn’t respect you and think you are worth more than being ONE of his many, he is not worthy of you. No matter what you do, you are not going to change him. You can’t fix him, you have to fix you! Learn your worth in God’s word and find the strength to leave the situation. You deserve more. I know it is easier said than done but trust me, you can do this. I was there and now I’m not. I felt your pain, now I know joy. I was you. I was that broken girl but God made me whole. And yes, you are broken, but God doesn’t just put you back together with tape sis. He renews and restores. He makes all things new! Run to Him today and know that you are who He says you are!
You are Chosen and Called to His marvelous light 1 Peter 2:9
You are His Masterpiece Eph 2:10
You are Enthroned with Christ Eph 2:6
You are the Daughter of the Most High King Gal 3:26
You are loved John 3:16
You are more precious than rubies Prov 31:10
I pray that my vulnerability in this post shows you that you are not alone and you don’t have to be ashamed if you are in a situation that is remotely similar. The above verses about who you are, read them, memorize them, know them, believe them, speak them, live them, .
If this post hits home for you, you don’t have to do this alone. Reach out to people in your life who will give you Godly advice and pray you through, or, shoot me a message here. If this post isn’t for you, please share it, there may be someone you know that needs to read this.
This week’s song: Reckless Love by Cory Asbury